Even if you’re a guy, you still might find this one interesting,
it’s all about these milk sacs that sit on a girl’s chest that people find
ridiculously attractive. Breasts. Boobies. Tatas. Tits. Hooters. Knockers. And
there is a million other ways to say it. My personal favorite is just the
straight up, boobs. My dirty friends like to say tits. (We all know who those people
are, the ones that just try and get a reaction by using the dirtiest form of
the word.)
So first,
while we’re on the subject of what boobs really are, here are a few
definitions:
Dictionary: Either of the two soft, protruding organs on
the upper front of a woman's body that secrete milk after pregnancy
Urban dictionary (There are many
definitions of boobs, I picked two of the weirdest, funniest: Things that make guys and the occasional chick do whatever
the bearer of them wishes. They can bring great power and pleasure to whoever
owns them, depending on how good they look. (Given by enigma pie on urban dictionary)
A mind control device for women to
use against men. (Given by Hi I’m Matt Biatch on Urban Dictionary)
My definition: Not a device used to control minds, fleshy objects
used to nurse babies and to attract the male species eyes. Sometimes used to
get attention, or to distract from anything else going on. See 10 Things I hate
About You (movie with Heath Ledger) if you want to see what I mean.
So boobs…according to the two
guys on Urban Dictionary hold some magical power. Sorry to break it to you but
they don’t, the only thing controlling you as you’re staring down a girls
tatas, is you’re raging hormones. So if you’re in the middle of a math test and
just happen to look to the side of you and spot a girls boobs; it is not her
boobs that make you flunk your test. It’s your mind struggling to keep your
boner in your pants. ;)
For all of us girls who actually
have these fleshy objects on our chests here are some tips about them. If you
have some tips for me, just go on and message me or comment. J
1. The small boobs (AA-A): Personally,
I wish I was part of this category. I mean look at models, all of them have
small boobs. Think of all the backless numbers you can wear, because guess
what, you don’t have to wear a bra! Don’t worry about wearing those “add two
cup sizes” bras, just weirds people out anyway. One day you have boobs, next
day you don’t. This is not the same as putting on a sports bra, by the way,
those are meant to make your boobs look small, and who would want to be jumping
around with the boobs flying everywhere anyway? Anywayz back to having small
boobs, here’s tip number one, do not
wear those gain a million cup sizes bras. Unless, of course, you’re going
out clubbing, and are never going to see them again. The wear away, but to high
school, don’t do it. Next tip, Find the
cutest backless shirt/ dress and wear it around your big boobed friends. Guarantee
compliments, because they cannot do that! Us big boobs have to wear a stupid
bra or else we’re just flopping all over the place! Argh! Anyway biggest tip
here is, don’t listen to asshole guys. When
guys think boobs they think pornography status, all perfectly round, perky, and
large. It is your job to show them that you are not only your boobs! And to
say, “Hey man, I have tits, and they are much better than your moobs.” Go for
it.
2. Medium boobs (B-C): Well here
you are middle children of the group. You do not have monster titties, but you
do have boobs, enough so you have to wear a bra. So whats my tip, Make your cleavage shine J I know that sounds weird, especially
when you think of the advice I gave to the small boobs. But they have it good,
they’re boobs don’t bounce everywhere while they’re running, they don’t have to
wear bras, its simple! Except for the fact that they sometimes get teased for
having no boobs, that’s not good. But for you guys what do you do, you don’t
have such large boobs that you can just let them go and speak for
themselves…well actually you can because personally I think that the medium
sized boobs are just fine, you have enough boobs so they aren’t cumbersome! But
anyway that is my one tip, cleavage my dears. To do that, you do not need a
push up bra, that just gives the illusion that you have much bigger boobs, and
that just weirds guys out, when one day you have boobs and the next day you don’t
:P Anywayz, what I do, is wear a bra that is one size to small, tuck my boobs
in enough so that the nipple isn’t showing but the fleshy part is, and the
badabing! I have more cleavage! Anyway,
theres my tip, but trust me beautiful, you don’t need it, you’re sexy the way
you are!
3. Big boobs! (D and up): You, my
dears, have the boobs that everyone envies, because you don’t have to do
nothing with ‘em! Just stick ‘em in a bra and your good! But I know its harder
than that, back problems, no one looking at your face, its not fun. SO I can
help with the second one ;), but the first one, I don’t know how to help. I’m a
32 D, so I lack those lovely back problems, but since my around is so small,I
have a lot of cleavage, doesn’t help that my bra is one size to small either.
So when I wear tank tops, its like honey, my eyes are up here…I should draw
eyes on my boobs! Then it’ll be like they’re staring at my eyes…okay never mind
that’d be weird, I’m tired, leave me alone. Anyway with my assistance to the
second problem! I have three solutions. Heres what one of my friends do, when a
guy is staring at her boobs, she leans down a little and stares at his dick. Or
penis or whatever you like to call it. Makes the guy super uncomfortable. Then
there is the classic, “Honey my eyes are up here.” Last solution is to tell him, “Could you stop
staring at my boobs, perv.” And walk away. He’ll feel hella embarrassed, with
any of these and hopefully not do it again!
Hope I was helpful, and I will talk to
you all tomorrow! Cuz today is Sunday and all J
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